Last Saturday my dad's fiance's youngest sister got married, and everyone looked so stunning, that I felt so out of place. Now, a woman not feeling pretty and comparing themselves to other women, is not a shocking thing. And happily, well kind of not so happily, I wasn't in really any of the pictures from the big day. But next May 19, 2013 is my dad's wedding day, so avoiding or being left out of photos will probably be impossible.
As I headed back to work on Monday this thought is running though my head. And then a customer brings up a copy of Meg Cabot's 'Size 12 and Ready to Rock'. She had to run and grab something else and since it wasn't busy I just stood there, staring at this book, and I started thinking, I'd love to be a size 12. Then it changed to, why can't I be that size. And that has led me to my new goal. I want to be wearing a size 12 dress to my dad's wedding.
But I'm not going on a diet. Nope, a diet seems temporary, and I don't want this to be temporary. So, instead I'm making a lifestyle change. I'm going to join a gym and plan to work out for at least an hour 3 times a week. Going to use smaller plates at dinner so I eat smaller portions. Going to limit certain foods. I know it's going to be hard but that's why I'm throwing in some rewards for myself.
I'm a size 18/20 now. So, when I get down to a 16 I'll splurge and get myself a new pair of jeans, it's small but it works. When I get to a 14 I'll buy myself a swimsuit. I love swimming, so I'll want to get there fast. When I get to a 12 I'll get myself a pretty new dress to wear at my dad's wedding. If I manage to get down to a 10 then I'll buy some new work clothes. And if I make it down to the single digits then I'm going to get my belly button pierced. What? It'd be fun.
Now, I know it'll be hard. I'll have to get use to being hungry, and will have to relearn what to grab for as a snack. I've decided to give myself at least one screw it day a month. For July, August, September, and October, I'll just get to choose. Obviously Thanksgiving will be my screw it day in November, Christmas in December, and my birthday in January. And then back to random days of my choosing.
Chances are no matter what size I am I'll still compare myself to other women in my life, and it'll probably still be a chore finding clothes that fit that I like. But at least I'll be healthier. Good health is a nice fringe benefit to this all.
Now. Why am I going by sizes and not weight? Well, I've never been one to weigh myself often. Usually I only get weighed when I go to the doctor. And while my mom weighs herself, if she talks about wanting to lose weight, she only really talks about how her clothes feel. And I get that. I feel happier when my clothes are looser on me. So why change how I judge myself and start weighing myself and create pound-loss goals. Everyone has a different way to judge their body and this is mine. Besides, losing 4 sizes sounds so much less daunting than 100 pounds. Though, how much does the average size 12 weigh?
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